


the west coast

by kendrasaunders



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Also very sad, Very Open to OT3 Interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6828685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendrasaunders/pseuds/kendrasaunders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in the end, he forgets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the west coast

In the end, he forgets. 

Not of his own volition, though that doesn’t count for much.

Kendra isn’t entirely sure he’d chose to remember her, after everything, after the end, after the heartbreak.

He’d told her it was alright, that it was good for him, that now he knew he could move on. 

And she’d almost believed him, almost. As she’d cupped her hand over her mouth, stifling her sobs, she’d taken just the smallest of moments to believe him.

But that didn’t matter now. It didn’t matter that he’d called her his anchor, it didn’t matter that he’d smiled at her when he’d told her, plain and simple, that she’d broken his heart.

“You won’t forget,” Rip tells her, like this is anything other than some kind of great and personal tragedy. “They all will. I won’t. You won’t. Carter won’t.”

“But no one else,” she says.

He won’t meet her eyes. “But no one else.”

 

The thing is, Rip doesn’t warn her. If Ray remembered, he’d tell her, optimistically, that Rip hadn’t known. That this had been sudden. Inexplainable. One moment they were all heroes, and the next, time takes that away.

From him. Not from her. And that just isn’t fair. 

Ray had wanted this so badly. She hadn’t cared. She hadn’t cared when this all started, she’d been so afraid and so confused and-

It isn’t important. The events still happened, in pieces, in pockets of time. She knows, because she never returned the engagement ring.

She keeps it in her nightstand, and checks to see that it’s still there. Someday, she thinks, it will probably vanish. Those two years will be gone, and she will be left with nothing.

 

 

She’d told him she’d wanted to marry him, and she’d meant it.

She imagines that unfolding. She imagines waking up next to him, one day, and having him stare at her like she’s no one at all.

She wonders if that’s more or less painful than having it happen on the ground floor of Palmer Technologies, the day after Rip had given her the news.

She wonders if waking up beside him would’ve been better than him walking by her without pause, without doubt, without a glance in her direction. No flicker of hope, no reassurance that this too, would pass. This would be okay, somehow.

That’s what he used to do. He’d look her dead in the eye, and he’d tell her it was going to be okay.

He’d meant it, too. He always did.

 

“You can get him back,” Carter tells her, like it’s that simple. “You can fix it.”

She gazes at the ceiling, biting back the lump in her throat. “What about us?”

“We can figure it out,” he says. “We always do.”

She sucks in a breath. “Do you think he’d want me to fix it?”

“I would,” Carter says. “I mean. I did. It’s not fair, I think. To let someone live without the happiness you’ve given them.”

She pauses. “I didn’t make him happy.”

“Of course you did.”

“No,” she says. “I didn’t.”

“Kendra-“

She sits up, languid and deliberate. Hair falling over her shoulders. She curls against her knees. “All I’m doing is standing in his way,” she says. “There’s someone out there for him, someone really good for him. And they’re gonna show him that he can move on, and settle down, and they’re not going to leave.”

“Leaving isn’t a finality,” Carter says.

“Yes it is,” she says. “All I made him do was fight and fight and fight and-“ She takes a shaky breath. “I just took all the fight right out of him. So he left.”

“No,” Carter says. “He left because he thought you’d be happier without him.”

“I know.”

“Are you?” he asks.

“No.”

Carter lets out a sigh. “Then go get him back, Kendra.”

She glances at him, and knows this is not the first time this has happened. With her and Carter, specifically. With her, Carter, and someone else. Not the first. Though she thinks it may be the last. “He’ll get old.”

He stares up at her. “I know.”

“We won’t.”

“I know.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t do this to him again,” she says. “I can’t hurt him a second time.”

“And I can’t watch you hurt yourself,” Carter says. “So move on, or don’t. But you need to make a decision and stick to it.”

She breathes. In. Out. In. “I’d like to sleep on it.”

He makes room for her under the sheets. “Of course.”

 

She makes a habit of going to Palmer Technologies. This is not a resolution, and she’s aware of that, but it’s a step. She is going to stop him, at least once.

He’s still Ray. He’s still friendly. Eager. He’d let her start a conversation.

She should. She comes down twice a week, and settles in the lobby. Watches him come in and out of work.

Once, he’d believed himself to be a ghost. And his resurrection, as it were, has been a boon. She doesn’t think he’s ever been more famous, more renowned. More brilliant.

This is good for him, she thinks. That he’s unburdened. That he should stay that way. That she should stop hanging around in the lobby.

She comes back every Tuesday morning, and again on Fridays.

It’s not normal. But this isn’t normal, they’re not normal, they never were, and how can you tell someone you love them as often as he told her and not remember it even a little bit? 

How could he forget?

How could she let him?

 

He approaches her a month in, while she’s having a danish and going over the paper.

“Miss?”

She startles without meaning to, gazing up. She swallows, and sets down the pastry. “Oh.”

“Hi.” He’s smiling, the sort of smile he gives to strangers and colleagues, the sort of opening curtesy that reminds her of this very present reality. “Sorry I um- I’ve noticed you in the lobby these past few weeks, and I just thought I’d check in on you.”

She needs to remember how to speak, she thinks. She stands, brushing off her jeans. “I- Sorry. It’s a really nice lobby, you’ve got great wifi and-“

“Oh!” He waves off her anxiety. “You’re fine, you’re totally allowed to be down here. I’m actually happy you are. I mean-“ He pauses. She thinks he may be slightly pink, but it could be her imagination. “Palmer Industries prides itself on having a public space and-“ He takes in a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m babbling. What I mean to say is, I’m really glad you like using our facilities, and I hope you continue to do so.”

She swallows the bile in her throat, and offers her hand. “I’m Kendra.”

He takes her hand in his own, the warm familiarity of his palm enough to make her weepy. “Ray. Palmer. I’m-“ He smiles. “I’m Ray Palmer.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. Lies. 

He’s about to reply when his watch beeps, pulling him out of her bubble and back into his own. “I- I’ve got a meeting, I’m really sorry, I hope we can talk some other time, really, please keep using the space!” He’s halfway to the elevators before she can stop him. “It was great meeting you!”

She can’t even find it in herself to wave. She simply stands and watches as the elevator doors close.

 

 

 

She skips Tuesday.

 

 

 

On Friday, she arrives earlier than usual.

On Friday, Ray is late.

He has a guest. She watches as he walks a total stranger through the lobby of Palmer Technologies.

A stranger to her. Not a stranger to Ray.

That’s not the smile he gives to strangers. No one knows that better than Kendra would.

Something in her chest tells her the ring will be gone by tomorrow morning.

Something in her chest tells her they needed more time.

They didn’t get it. And it just isn’t fucking fair.

For the briefest moment, he catches her eye, and his smile changes. It’s no longer intimate, no longer close. With a genial friendliness, he smiles, and waves.

Kendra gives him a small, simple nod.

He won’t know what it means. And she’s glad.

 

 

She doesn’t go back to Palmer Technologies.

 

 

 

“I’d just hurt him again,” Kendra says.

“If you think so,” Carter replies. 

He’s disappointed. She is, too.

 

 

In the end, he forgets.

 

 

In the end, she lets him.


End file.
